MM on moles and morning shows.....

My Dad is a passionate man. He's got a lot of love to give. And he loves many things and many people. He loves extra cheese on his pizza and he loves singing Paul Simon songs much slower than the originals. The flip side of love is hate. It turns out he hates a lot of things too!

I once famously asked him if he listened to Radio 2. He replied no, and gave the following explanation. “I hate Terry Wogan ......and I hate his morning show.” Apparently Wogan will be one of the first put up against the wall when the revolution comes.

Often this hatred does my nut but sometimes it just makes me pee my pants. Here's a very small sample of the many many things, and people, that my old man professes to hate;

Ankle bracelets - “only worn by prostitutes”
Piggin Moles – he's even laid an under soil protective membrane to stop them attacking the perfectly manicured putting green in his garden.
That Liza Tarbuck
The Sussex accent – “Horrible. Sounds like they're from Sass-iickss”
The Barmy Army – “they're just innane!”
Golf fans who shout 'in the hole' – “d1ckheads!”
Jonathan Ross – always on the look out for a smutty gag.
Cold calling tele-sales people - “just p1ss off!!!!!!!”
Morrissey
Pulp Fiction – worst film ever. Fact.
R n B – “porn and B more like”
Loud music on other people's headphones – 'they'll only end up with tinnitus”
Celtic rugby commentators
Drivers who get too close up your backside - “get out of my boot you fat twat!”
Sounding like his Dad - which he always does when he says how much he hates things....

Phew. That's a lot of hate to carry around. What things does your old man hate? Answers in a comment please......and commentators please identify yourselves!

* special thanks to reathamrocks and 'eric is bananaman' for extra suggestions

MM on Hooters......

As one with pretensions to be a word-smith I usually feel an obligation to bring out the depth and colour of any anecdote. This one however has left me stumped. I'll just tell you the set up and you can let your imaginations fill in the gaps......

On Saturday lunch time we had a pre-football drink in Nottingham dressed in retro Swindon Town shirts with my Dad and his wife, pregnant with twins. Nothing funny about that except for their choice of pub. Hooters. For those who don't know of Hooters, I've posted a photo of the lovely Amy, one of our serving girls (to quote my Dad - “they're just 21st century wenches”).

My Dad was wearing a pair of sunglasses which I said he should remove because it 'looks like you're hiding your eyes behind the shades'. He said it didn't matter because 'I won't know anyone in here any way.'

I'm not sure if this is plain tragic or comedy gold. Maybe you had to be there.....comments please.

MM on pirates featuring guest stars goats and burglar bill.....

MM on pirates featuring guest stars Goats and Burglar Bill

Ahoy there me hearties! Shiver me timbers and other such salutaions. Today is apparently International talk like a Pirate Day!

To authentically roll your Rs and immitate a mouth with teeth broken from biting on peices of eight like a true thief of the water ways, check out the following site

http://www.talklikeapirate.com/howto.html

Pirates make me think of;

captain pugwash - forget the 'master bates' pun that everyone instinctively titters about on mention of this cartoon pirate and marvel instead at the best friendly bad boy in childrens literature. (a heavyweight contest when one considers that Burglar Bill could be a contender)

The Coral's bucaneering tune 'Skeleton Key', which in a moment of magic mushroom madness prompted people I know to believe they were indeed Pirates at last years Glastonbury.

Ken Livingstone's proposal to raise the price of tube fares, 21st century priates run underground trains apparently.

Luke Thomas's 6th birthday party. He was dressed as a pirate. I went as a cowboy.


Alexander Selkirk - marooned on pacific island for years this pirate was the inspiration for Robinson Crusoe. Diana Souhami, in her excellent book Selkirks Island didn't shirk from highlighting the loneliness of this existence, page 101 finds the following musing

"fucking goats was perhaps less satisyfing than the buggery and prostitution of shipboard life....It lacked fraternal exchange but Selkirk was an abandoned man. On the island at the days end, he would have liked a woman to cook for him and provide. He might have preferred it if the goats had been girls."

Having been single for a while I have some sympathy but alas goats are in short supply in Streatham.

what do you think of at mention of the word pirate - comments please!

p.s you don't need to be a member to comment - the more the merrier - climb aboard.

Welcome

I wanted a blog for my musings and as its called muxloes musings decided to start out with a bit if illiteration but 'm' words haven't proved very accomodating...but here goes...its a way to get started at least......

'welcome to muxloe's musings for minutes, mumbles and mutterings on monumental, mundane, miniscule and magnificent matters of the moment; minus moaning, misery or moping but mainly managing to muster marvel and mystery.'

mmmmmm as i said 'm' words....I wonder what letter may have lent itself better to such an intro - suggestions and alternative offerings welcomed.

muxloe